Hello! I’m currently at work, in the office. This is the last day. To be honest, I am so glad it’s over. I felt sort of superfluous and the people here were so annoyed even if I was trying to be as quiet as I could. So many people are ill, they aren’t here, we’re like three people (including me) in here. My dad works here too, he delivers goods to the customers. I drove with him two times (he works till 5pm, that’s why) and I loved it. We have talked about so many things and I have so many things in common with him. I’m like him, not like my mother. We have exactly the same humour and I know how far I can go with joking when I’m with him. He is such a strong man (if I told you what he’s gone through you probably wouldn’t believe me), he is working his ass off just to make me/us a good life possible. He is so wonderful and he is still staying strong. He’s honestly the best dad on earth. He’s beautiful.

In certain situations, I really don’t know how to react. I see other people having relationships and fights, and I wonder how they know how to react. If I do something, it always turns out to be wrong and I regret it. Let me tell you a story.

There was a girl, she had a bestfriend. They were both on work experience. The evening before the bestfriend’s birthday, they were chatting. The bestfriend was like “I want you to come over tomorrow”. The girl had to work till 5.00pm and told the bestfriend she couldn’t come. The bestfriend instantly went offline. The girl actually had the idea of asking her boss if she could go home earlier from work, so she could visit her bestfriend and be with her on her birthday. She called the bestfriend, she texted her, but the bestfriend didn’t pick up the phone nor did she answer any of the girls’ texts. The girl wanted to visit her bestfriend, but she couldn’t reach her bestfriend. On her bestfriends’ birthday, the girl called her bestfriend (very often), she didn’t pick up the phone. She texted her but she didn’t text back. The girl wanted to visit her bestfriend, but how? The bestfriend didn’t even want to talk to the girl! The day after the bestfriends’ birthday, the girl texted her bestfriend wishing her a belated happy birthday, but the bestfriend said she still way angry because the girl didn’t come over. The girl explained that she’s called the bestfriend multiple times but the bestfriend didn’t pick up, so how was the girl supposed to visit the bestfriend? The bestfriend was still mad at her. She said she didn’t want to keep in touch with the girl. The girl felt like it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t apologize. Lastly she had pride.

This is how far the story is. I have to live the rest of it to know how it ends. 

You know, at times, I’m so inspired but I can’t help it. I’m inspired but there’s something in me that’s stopping me. It is so weird. I think, sure, being inspired is nice but it will turn out like all the other tries. It brings me down that I can’t keep the motivation in myself and just adhere strictly to keep doing my thing. Other people who live in small cities also were very successfull, I think it isn’t the isolation from the civilisation that is blocking every try. It feels like I’m stuck and not moving. I need to get over this shit. Soon. 

I needed a fresh start. Starts aren’t easy, you’re uninspired and you absolutely don’t feel like starting anything new. But I will. I already have a tumblr blog, and I’d say it’s pretty “famous”, but it all got too much. It was a personal blog and people from my school started finding and reading it, which I didn’t really like. I’m not posting any photos on here, this is a pure textblog. I love how no one will ever read this, no one will ever find this blog I suppose. I don’t plan on becoming famous with this blog, I don’t even care about that, this blog is just for me. I am alone. I love the feeling of being unknown on the internet. If someone will ever read this except for me? This is exciting. I’m looking forward to writing on here.